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Amy Grant, world-famous Christian singer, told her pastors she recognized that God hates divorce but she had come to know a more personal and freeing truth. She apparently had gone through lots of marital counseling. In August 1998 she went to her pastors and her husband and told them “I believe and trust that I’ve been released from this [marriage]. And I say that knowing that even the Bible says the heart is deceitful.” She went on to explain how she knew this was God’s will, and “to the best of my level of peace, I had a very settled, unshakable feeling about the path that I was going to follow.”[2]

Amy is representative of a surprising number of professing Christians who are divorcing. No longer does divorce seem to have a stigma attached to it.

The Barna Research Group found that professing Christians had moderately higher rates of divorce than the general population, including atheists and agnostics. Looking at the statistics more closely shows even more surprising trends: 27% of those describing themselves as “born-again Christians” are previously or currently divorced compared to 24% of the general population. But in the Baptist and nondenominational Protestant churches which dominate the Bible belt in the U.S., 29% and 35%, respectively, were divorced, more than any other Christian denomination.[3]

A recent CNS News report dated January 21, 2002, said, "Born-again Christians are just as likely to get divorced as anybody else in American society, and the vast majority of those identifying themselves as divorced and born-again actually got their divorces after converting to Christianity, according to a new book called The Divorce Reality."

How can that be? What could be the cause of such a significant change of attitude? We’ll examine what Jesus had to say on the subject of marriage and divorce and probe the reasons for such a major shift of attitude within the ranks of professing Christians. Finally we’ll see what those who have wrongfully divorced should do. But first let’s see why God hates divorce.

Part I

God Knows Best – He Hates Divorce

As we shall see, God’s rules regarding divorce seem strict. Let’s try to determine why God may have been so firm on this subject.

First, let’s look at the people most intimately involved in a divorce. Most involved are the husband and wife themselves. Second, but sometimes even more affected by the divorce are the children of the marriage. The effect is even broader, of course, going out like concentric rings, affecting other family members, friends, people in the workplace, and even those who have a financial stake in the stability of the marriage. Perhaps God’s commands regarding divorce are because he knows the devastating effects upon those most affected by the divorce.

God may have revealed the keys to his hatred of divorce in Malachi 2:13-16.

¹³Another thing you do: You flood the LORD’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer pays attention to your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. ¹⁴You ask, “Why?” It is because the LORD is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.

¹⁵Has not the LORD made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth.

¹⁶“I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel.

In Malachi’s day, the people complained that God was ignoring them. God said it was because of their breach of the marriage vow. God said he made them one (in marriage). They are his in flesh and spirit.

Then he tells them why he made them one – he was seeking godly offspring.

We know God has a special heart for children. Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these” (Matthew 19:14). But Jesus also had a special warning concerning children: “But, if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea” (Matthew 18: 6).

We’ve learned that children imitate their parents later in life. If a husband was a child and wife beater, his sons when adults often become child and wife beaters. The sins of the fathers (and mothers) seem to be passed on to the offspring. In the time leading up to divorce, often the children watch the parents engage in heated, sometimes vicious arguments. In the worst case they may watch physical attacks by one upon the other. We know that children often feel responsible for parents divorcing. Somehow they feel they were the cause and feel guilt even though they had nothing whatsoever to do with the divorce.

If these children were “little ones who believed in me,” what is the likelihood is that the anger, tension, fighting, arguing, and ultimately the divorce will cause these little ones to sin? Let’s look next at what researchers have discovered about the effect of divorce on children.

The Effect of Divorce on Children

In his study on youth suicide,[4] Bill Muehlenberg shows repetitive evidence that children are greatly harmed by divorce. He relates the comments of Dr. Armand Nicholi, a clinical professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School:

“The absence of a parent through death, divorce, or a time-demanding job contributes to the many forms of emotional disorder, especially the anger, rebelliousness, low self-esteem, depression, and antisocial behavior that characterizes those adolescents who take drugs, become pregnant out of wedlock, or commit suicide.

“Other studies have found that children of divorce make up an estimated 60 percent of child patients in clinical treatment and 80 to 100 per cent of adolescents in in-patient mental hospital settings.

“Research indicates clearly that a broken home with the resultant loss or absence of a parent predisposes a child to a variety of emotional disorders that manifest themselves immediately or later in the child’s life.”[5]

Do you remember what Jesus warned, “if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin . . .”? If those children once believed in Jesus but through divorce were so disoriented and discouraged that they developed emotional disorders that led to taking drugs, getting pregnant out of wedlock, committing suicide, or a variety of other sins, according to Jesus the persons who caused the divorce are responsible for that.

Mr. Muehlenberg relates that there is a statistically significant incidence of separation and divorce in the families of adolescents who attempt suicide as compared with control groups. He says, “A 1988 study of 752 families found that youths who attempted suicide differed little in terms of age, income, race and religion, but were ‘more likely to live in non-intact family settings.’” He reports that a Flinders University professor of social sciences reported that research shows a very close link between suicidal behaviour and parent-child relationships.[6] He shows that a study of 14,000 Dutch adolescents between the ages of 12 to 19 found slightly more than 10 percent of the adolescents living in non-intact families reported having attempted suicide, compared to 5.3 percent of peers living in intact families.[7]

Bruce Logan wrote: “Recent surveys in Australia, New Zealand, and the USA have found that children from broken homes, when they become teenagers, have 2 to 3 times more behavioral and psychological problems than do children from intact homes. Of juveniles and young adults serving in long-term correctional facilities, 70 percent did not live with both parents while growing up. Broken-home backgrounds contribute to as many as 3 in 4 teenage suicides and 4 in 5 psychiatric admissions.[8]

Some may argue that those negative results would only pertain to non-Christian families. NOT SO! Remember, the research showed the youths who attempted suicide “differed little in terms of age, income, race and religion.” Who gets the highest percentage of divorces? Professing Christians! And it is professing Christians who are causing these little ones who believe in Jesus to sin!

The Effect of Divorce on Adults

How about the parties to the divorce themselves? How do they fare after separation and divorce?

Mr. Muehlenbergh looks at suicide rates for adults as affected by their marital status. “Figures from a 1950-1964 study by the National Center for Health Statistics in the U.S. show that the suicide rate per 100,000 married men is 18. But for men who never married, the rate is 33.2 and for men who are divorced or separated, it leaps to 69.4.[9] That is 385% more than the suicides among married men!

Researcher Stack found: “Divorce, the indicator of the breaking down of ties to the family, is significantly related to suicide even after we control for the influence of [other] variables.”[10]

Mr. Muehlenbergh’s study revealed that with each 1 per cent increase in the divorce rate there is a .54 per cent increase in the suicide rate and that divorced males aged between 35 and 44 are the most likely to take their own life in Australia, while married people are the least likely to suicide.[11]

Obviously by the time the behavior culminates in suicide, the emotional disorders and pain have reached intolerable levels. The effect of divorce on those who have not attempted or committed suicide may be terrible in many instances. God wants to spare us all that pain by having us living together in stable, loving marriages for the duration of our natural lives.

The cost in mental anguish, pain, uncertainty, fear, poverty, dislocation and severance of close relationships resulting from divorce is incalculable, extending far beyond the two persons divorcing. Children, the extended family, parents, siblings, cousins, and friends are all wounded through divorce.

Let’s examine next what God has commanded about marriage – Jesus’ rules for those who are in his Kingdom. We will see that his rules, as the rest of his teachings, pertain to those who will be saved.

Part II

Jesus’ Teaching on Marriage

Jesus began his teaching on marriage and divorce in response to a question from the Pharisees. Let’s see how this discussion developed.

Some Pharisees came to him [Jesus] to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”

“Haven’t you read,” he [Jesus] replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matthew 19:3-6; see also Genesis 1:27, 2:24).^[12]

Jesus simply stated the truth that we saw in Malachi, first given by God through Moses in Genesis 1:27 and 2:24. What God has joined together, let man not separate! The basic principle is that there should not be divorce among those God has joined together.

Jesus’ Teaching on Divorce

The Pharisees likely wanted an excuse to divorce and hoped Jesus would endorse the practices of the past. They continued the dialogue:

“Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”

Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning” (Matthew 19:7-8).

In the prior section we saw that Jesus reinstated the rules set forth by God in Genesis – the very early commands God gave to his people. He said that before the law was given, it was not like that, i.e., a man could not give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away. Having answered their question, Jesus then proceeded to tell them God’s view – the law of Christ – pertaining to divorce:

I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery” (Matt. 19:9).

There was no question in the minds of those who heard him that Jesus was saying it was sin for a man to divorce and marry another woman if there had not been marital unfaithfulness. Everyone knew adultery was sin. The penalty was death by stoning.

In that one verse, Jesus established the only acceptable reason for a man to divorce his wife (or vice versa. In the text, Jesus was speaking to men, the strict religious leaders of the Jews – the Pharisees). Even in the secular world, God’s limitation on divorce was sometimes incorporated into law. For many years the state of New York allowed divorce only if there was proven marital unfaithfulness.

Wrongful Divorce Defined

Throughout this discussion we will use the term “wrongful divorce” so it is necessary to define it. A wrongful divorce will refer to any divorce that is not sanctioned by Jesus, i.e., any divorce that is not caused by marital unfaithfulness.

It seems clear that God intends the marriage vow “until death do us part” to mean what it says. He also expects the marriage to be two people joined together as one flesh. That requires fidelity to one another until death. When that vow is broken, it seems to be the same as a breach of contract in law. It allows the innocent person to be released from the contract – the marriage vow. But Jesus makes it clear there is only one breach in God’s eyes that will permit release from the marriage contract, i.e., marital unfaithfulness.

Committing Adultery Upon Remarriage

To me, the hardest part of what Jesus said is not that divorce and remarriage are acceptable only if the marriage partner has been unfaithful, but that the person who divorces for any other reason and remarries commits adultery.

This becomes a very serious issue as many, perhaps most, of the professing Christians who wrongfully divorce remarry. According to Jesus, if the divorce terminating their prior marriage relationship was not because of marital unfaithfulness, if they remarry, they commit adultery.

Causing Others to Commit Adultery

If that had been the only thing Jesus said on this subject it might be easier to ignore, but he made sure we wouldn’t misunderstand. Earlier in Matthew he said:

“I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery” (Matthew 5:32).

Not only does the person who wrongfully divorces another commit adultery upon remarriage, but he/she may cause his/her spouse to become an adulteress (or adulterer) upon remarriage.

Friend Elmer Klassen informed me that in German the word divorce means breaking the marriage of the other person. Perhaps that helps us understand that the wrongful divorce by a person can cause the spouse to become an adultresss.

In the above verse Jesus extended the reach of the sin of wrongful divorce. It appears to me this command presumes the man divorces his wife but does not remarry. The woman, perhaps left with the children and unable to support herself, remarries. Because God considers the original husband and wife still to be married – there was no marital unfaithfulness – the woman has committed adultery against her former husband. The man who marries that woman is marrying a married woman (in God’s eyes) and thus he is committing adultery. Paul corroborates this view:

²For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. ³So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man (Romans 7:2-3).

How many of the wrongfully divorced men and women in our congregations who have remarried would like to be thought of as adulterers and adulteresses? Yet, according to Paul, that is what they are.

Lest anyone think that it is only the man divorcing the woman who is the subject of these commands, the Gospel of Mark records this additional teaching:

“Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery” (Mark 10:11).

The above verses seem to apply to the scenario where the husband or wife found another person attractive and divorced their present husband/wife to marry the other person. Note that Jesus first reiterated that the man wrongfully divorcing his wife and marrying another woman commits adultery against her! Then he reverses the scenario and states the same is true of the woman who wrongfully divorces her husband. God seems determined that we get the point!

God’s Perspective

There are three situations in which Jesus says there is adultery after a wrongful divorce – (1) the man who wrongfully divorces his wife and remarries, (2) the wife who subsequently remarries, and (3) the man who marries her. The 1st implies a fourth – the woman who marries the wrongfully divorced man.

First let’s look at the definition of adultery: Adultery is the act of a person who has unlawful sexual intercourse with the spouse of another.

Jesus’ statements regarding divorce and subsequent adultery show that God does not recognize divorce, except for marital unfaithfulness. God considers still married all others who divorce for other reasons. To make that perfectly clear, even though a person has secured a legal secular divorce, that does not mean God considers that person divorced from his spouse. The only legal grounds (according to the teachings of Jesus) are that there be marital unfaithfulness.

Is this corroborated elsewhere in Scripture? Of course it it. We look again at Paul’s teaching. Paul uses the following as an example about another issue, as if everyone understood the truth of what he was saying:

²For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage. ³So then, if she marries another man while her husband is still alive, she is called an adulteress. But if her husband dies, she is released from that law and is not an adulteress, even though she marries another man (Romans 7:2-3).

We can assume that because Paul was using this as an illustration for another point, he didn’t spell out the whole teaching of Jesus on the subject. Nevertheless, Paul corroborated that a person is prohibited from divorcing and remarriage while that person’s spouse is still alive. He said the woman who remarries while her husband is alive becomes an adulteress. We have already seen that Jesus said the man who remarries after a wrongful divorce commits adultery, his spouse commits adultery (upon remarriage), and the person who marries that spouse commits adultery. Not surprisingly, Paul’s teaching tracks exactly what Jesus said though Jesus added that remarriage is possible if one party has broken the marriage vow through marital unfaithfulness.

The key to a proper understanding of God’s view of divorce from those scriptures is that God considers those he joined together to be one flesh. In God’s eyes, according to his word, only death or unfaithfulness will break apart those God has joined together.

In all three of the instances recited above (i.e., each of the wrongfully divorced parties and the person each marries), it is assumed that the people involved in marital relationships beginning after the wrongful divorce have sexual relations within their marriage. Therefore, in God’s eyes:

q The man who wrongfully divorces and remarries is a married man having unlawful intercourse with another; he is committing adultery;

q The wife who is wrongfully divorced and remarries is a married woman having unlawful intercourse with another; she is committing adultery;

q The man who marries the wrongfully divorced woman is having unlawful intercourse with a married woman; he is committing adultery; and

q The woman who marries the wrongfully divorced man is having unlawful intercourse with a married man; she is committing adultery.

When Is Remarriage Possible?

We have seen, by implication, that a man is lawfully able to remarry if he divorces his wife for marital unfaithfulness. Likewise, a woman is lawfully able to remarry if the marriage terminated because of her husband’s marital unfaithfulness. In each of these cases there is no adultery upon remarriage of either innocent spouse. The spouse guilty of marital unfaithfulness is an adulterer(ess).

If the husband wrongfully divorces his wife and remarries, he has now committed adultery against his first wife. In that case, the marital unfaithfulness occurred after the divorce, not prior to it. That should allow the innocent, first wife to lawfully (in God’s eyes) remarry and be released from the prior marriage – the same result as if he had committed adultery prior to the divorce. If the marital unfaithfulness had occurred prior to the divorce, the wife would have had God’s lawful option of terminating the marriage for marital unfaithfulness. In this instance, the husband secured a wrongful divorce, without marital unfaithfulness, but thereafter committed adultery against his first wife by remarrying, thus breaching the marriage contract (before God).

If the husband secured a wrongful divorce but does not remarry, and thereafter the wife remarries, she becomes an adulteress (Romans 7:2-3); she committed adultery against her first husband (in God’s eyes). However, Jesus says the husband caused her to become an adulteress (Matthew 5:32). It appears God holds the husband responsible for his wife’s adultery. Nevertheless, it is likely the marriage bond has been broken as there is now marital unfaithfulness, albeit after the divorce.

Eternal Consequences of Adultery

If we were to base our conclusion on the frequency of wrongful divorce within the professing Christian community, we would likely conclude there must not be any eternal consequences resulting from wrongful divorce. But we must look to Scripture as our guide and not whatever the prevailing attitude may be within the Christian community at a given moment.

We have already seen that for those who cause little ones who believe in Jesus to sin it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. That is NOT comforting for those who opt for divorce without considering what may happen to their children, or, after considering the harm decide to divorce anyway.

What does the Scripture say about adultery and adulterers? Are there no consequences for such actions? There is much said about this and what is said is not ambiguous.

Consider Paul’s warning to the Corinthians:

Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9-10).

Please note that Paul specifically included adulterers even though they are also included under sexually immoral. Then Paul reiterated the same to the Galatians:

The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God (Galatians 5:19-21).

What does it mean that such people “will not inherit the kingdom of God”? Jesus made sure we understood that when he reviewed for the Apostle John those who were condemned:

But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars — their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur (Revelation 21:8).

Lest anyone minimize what the fiery lake of burning sulphur is, Scripture explains:

And the devil, who deceived them, was thrown into the lake of burning sulfur, where the beast and the false prophet had been thrown. They will be tormented day and night for ever and ever (Revelation 20:10).

That is Scripture’s description of hell. Scripture has taken pains to tell us that those who practice adultery will not inherit the kingdom of God but instead be thrown into hell – the fiery lake of burning sulphur.

There is further corroboration from the writer to the Hebrews. He reiterates God’s desire for marriage and the consequence for those who dishonor the marriage relationship:

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral (Hebrews 13:4).

This scripture sums up all we’ve already discussed. God wishes the marriage relationship to be an honored one, respected by all. There is to be no marital unfaithfulness. God wants the marriage bed kept pure.

Contrary to what many seem to think (judging by their actions), God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

Can all be made right before God after wrongfully divorcing by simply repenting? Will God simply forgive the deliberate, premeditated sins of divorce and subsequent adultery (upon remarriage)? We’ll look at this issue in some depth a little later.

What If Separation is Necessary?

We can imagine many circumstances where separation is to be preferred over beatings, violence, marital rape, and where children are endangered or molested. Scripture tells us God’s options for that situation.

To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife (1 Corinthians 7:10-11).

Paul makes it clear these commands are from the Lord, not him. Note the command about separation is primarily directed toward the wife just as most of the commands regarding divorce seem primarily directed toward the man. The basic command is not to separate. Neither husband nor wife is to decide that it is too difficult and/or not fun enough together so they want to live alone. Again the command, the husband must not divorce his wife, even though she has separated from him. Paul later makes an exception to this, as we will see in the next section, for a spouse who is an unbeliever.

In this passage, the Lord, through Paul, prohibits remarriage. The wife who finds it necessary to separate from her husband has only two options – reconciliation or remaining unmarried so long as her husband is alive, assuming they are both true Christians. Obviously, based on our prior study of Jesus’ commands, this presumes neither husband nor wife will be unfaithful to the other even though separated.

What if they are not both true Christians? If they are not, or if the action of the offending spouse is not consistent with a follower of Christ, the rules pertaining to life with an unbeliever (next two sections) apply.

What If the Offending Spouse Is Not a Believer?

It could have been confusing for the early church. Paul taught that the believer must not be yoked together with an unbeliever (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). Almost everyone then in the faith was a new believer. Many could have been the only spouse in a marriage to come to the Lord. Was Paul telling them they must separate from their spouse? Or must they divorce so that they would not be unequally yoked? That would have broken families, caused the children to be raised by only one parent, and likely would have caused poverty for many who then would have no breadwinner in the family, just like the results today from broken marriages. Likely Paul countered those questions with the following instructions:

To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. . . . But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? (1 Corinthians 7:12-16).

Paul’s admonition is consistent with God’s desire to protect children from divorce and bring the other spouse to a saving faith in the Lord.

Even in the instance of an unbelieving spouse Paul forbids divorce unless the unbelieving spouse leaves. However, Paul says, “if the unbeliever leaves, let him or her do so.” Paul says the “believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances.” Paul appears to say that the believing spouse would be free to divorce and remarry another believer when legally able to do so, but the believing spouse may not secure the divorce so long as the unbelieving spouse is willing to live with him/her. It should go without saying the believing spouse is not allowed to make life so difficult for the unbelieving spouse that he/she would virtually be forced to leave. That would violate Paul’s argument that by living together the unbelieving spouse may come to the Lord. It would also be a terrible example for the children.

Paul appears to say that in this instance a believing spouse can be released from marriage with an unbelieving spouse without marital unfaithfulness. What could be the reason for this difference? I think it is because Jesus said, “what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matthew 19:6). So they are no longer two, but one (Matthew 19:5-6). We can rightfully assume that Jesus is speaking about marriages that God has joined together. Paul wrote:

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? ¹⁵What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?
(2 Corinthians 6:14-15).

Would God participate in joining together (yoking) a believing person to an unbelieving one who enter into marriage in disobedience to his word? I don’t think God would participate in the sin of being wrongfully joined together. Or would God join two non-believers together who don’t know him and have no concern for his word? I think not. Consider extreme examples. Would God join together a witch and warlock in marriage or two atheists who openly argue against the existence of God? Would God join two men or two women in a same-sex marriage?

If not, consider a less extreme question. Is God joining together two unbelievers marrying in a secular service before a justice of the peace? Finally, consider harder questions. Does God join together two unbelievers who participate in a Christian wedding ceremony which invokes the blessing of God on the marriage? Does God join together two professing Christians who really don’t have a saving faith? Does God join together a true Christian and a professing Christian (one without a true, saving faith)?

As we proceed, these questions may become important for some readers. It is my belief that God’s commands and teachings are for those who are his people, his followers, and who are part of his kingdom. Those who are not his people follow the god of this world. I understand that from what Jesus told the Pharisees:

⁴⁴“You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44).

If it was true that the religious leaders of the Jews were not children of God but of the devil, then what can we expect of all those who are unbelievers? Certainly they too are children of the god of this world and not of God Almighty, the father of our Lord Jesus Christ!

I believe God does NOT join unbelievers together in marriage nor a believer and an unbeliever. That is not to say he cannot bless their marriage and draw the unbelieving spouse to himself. He did with me. I was an unbelieving spouse that my wife – a professing Christian – married.

If Paul’s opinion is correct, and we can assume it is (as God has permitted it in his word), likely God has not joined these people together and therefore Jesus’ requirement not to divorce, except for marital unfaithfulness, does not apply in the same way, as Jesus’ commands seem to be conditioned on the marriage being a relationship that God had joined together. A believer and an unbeliever may be joined only by a secular legal bond – not in a relationship joined together by God. Thus, when an unbeliever leaves, the believer would be free to legally divorce and remarry – but only to another believer – in a relationship joined together by God.

Critical to this section is the question of whether a spouse is an unbeliever. Is a person to be considered a believer just because he/she claims to be? The next section will investigate this issue and show God’s view of how we are to evaluate whether a person is a believer.

Who Is An Unbeliever?

Is a person a “Christian” because he/she says so? Sadly no. The rule of Scripture is that the fruit of the person will tell the truth about them. Jesus said this:

By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? ¹⁷Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. ¹⁸A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. ¹⁹Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. ²⁰Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them” (Matthew 7:16-20).

Jesus said the same thing another way in Mark:

²⁰He went on: “What comes out of a man is what makes him ‘unclean.’ ²¹For from within, out of men’s hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, ²²greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. ²³All these evils come from inside and make a man ‘unclean’” (Mark 7:20-23).

Did you notice that these are the same sins that we saw earlier will cause a person to not inherit the kingdom of God? Jesus illustrated this same principle in a slightly different way:

³⁴You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. ³⁵The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. ³⁶But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. ³⁷For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned” (Matthew 12:34-37).

Is a man battering his wife? Is he/she physically or verbally abusive toward his/her spouse? Is there child abuse or molestation in the home? Surely these are not the actions of a follower of the Lord Jesus who gave us the standard to love one another as he loved us.

I am not speaking here of an isolated instance. Regrettably, all of us who are believers may lapse into an occasional sin for which we are to immediately repent. The passage refers to a course of action – a history of acting in a certain way – without repentance or change of heart and an unwillingness to accept the teaching of Scripture as to behavior that is unacceptable for a follower of the Lord Jesus.

At the great white throne judgment described in Revelation 20, books were opened (verse 12). Then it says, “The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books.” As if to make sure the point was not overlooked, in verse 13 the Apostle John again stated, “ . . . each person was judged according to what he had done.” (See also Matthew 16:27, Revelation 22:12, and Romans 2:6-11). God judges us by our fruit, just as he instructs us to recognize those who claim to be followers of Christ but who are not.

If we observe a person who continues in a course of action (and words) that are prohibited for those who are followers of Jesus, we may reasonably conclude such a person is not a true believer, no matter that such a person may claim to be a Christian.

Actions and Claims in Conflict

Paul gave us another instruction that bears on this subject: He said:

I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat. What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. “Expel the wicked man from among you.”